I haven’t written much on sexuality in this blog mainly because I know there are so many great voices in the Church already weighing in on it, and don’t feel I have much of anything original to add (and maybe because my mom reads this too). But seriously, if you haven’t yet, check out places XXXChurch and Dirty Girls Ministries for some awesome stories and resources that help us wrestle through this endless struggle of living a life of sexual purity in a culture that doesn’t value it.
As a missionary to a college campus serving in a college church, I’m now witnessing what it looks like when your church is literally filled with people who can’t recall a time when pornography wasn’t instantly accessible to them via the internet. Addiction runs deep and wide when its seeds are planted so early, so often. The following is a sort of opening act for this post; my friend Anne Jackson tells some of her story of struggle with past addiction. What you see and hear in it is quickly becoming the standard of what I see in men and women on our campus:
But since most all the Church voices I’ve heard weigh in on sexuality are of the contemporary variety, I thought I’d share with you a bit of a blast from the past that a friend recently shared with me. It turns out Clive Staples had a thing or two to say on the subject of sexual fantasy and masturbation, so thought I’d share some of his always-insightful words on the topic for those of you who haven’t yet heard them. Here goes:
“For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete his own personality in that of another and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is: always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is: always adored, always the perfect love, no demand is made of his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself.”
citation: Letter (March 6, 1956) from C.S. Lewis to a Mr. Masson, Wade Collection, Wheaton College, Wheaton, IL; cited in Leanne Payne, The Broken Image.
Hey Mikey!
I really like that piece you put in from C.S. Lewis, its interesting to think of masturbation as a form of self-worship, in a way. But really I guess I was most interested in the video clip. It seems like what caused Anne to begin looking at porn online was a sense of curiosity about sex and the lack of any substantive discussion from her parents. Most children of Christian parents, that I know, haven’t had anything deeper than the “sex before marriage is a sin” talk. But this is probably where Christian parents leave the door open for their children to learn about sex from the world’s perspective. I know it’s an uncomfortable talk to have but I think its really a crucial moment and it seems like parents have a whole lot more influence on how a child views sex then they probably realize. I know in my own experience most of what I learned was from the kids at school, and I remember being confused because it seemed like the other students thought it was awesome and my parents taught me it was a bad thing to do. I think this struggle between understanding the proper connotations of sex can lead many young Christians to a sexual addiction, because what starts off as a curiosity into understanding the apparent incongruencies of sex (is it shameful or pleasureful?) can lead them to search for answers on the internet, which may not provide a full understanding. Anyways, it always good to see someone in the community talk about such a difficult issue. Good work!
-Liza
Awesome thoughts, Liza! Thanks for commenting