Security with God: Asking Big

Most of the things I’m going to write about here I learned from my extraordinary fiancé, Jessie. These are things I’ve just begun to understand in the last two years, and most of that learning was the direct result of her boldly speaking into my life. So if you have questions about this, she’s probably a much wiser person to ask, but I can still try.

Well, I began Part I of “Security with God” with a question to ponder, and I want to do the same now. Here it is:

Do you regularly ask God for miracles?

If not, I’d like you to honestly ask yourself why right now.

Is it because you’re afraid he can’t do it? Or (more commonly) are you afraid that if he says no, that means you aren’t worthy, or that he doesn’t even exist?

I think I fear all of those.

And if you do too, then at least know that we’re in some good company, because Peter had some pretty serious doubts about God’s power (Matthew 14:30-31), and yet God chose him to be a pillar of the Church and a trusted preacher of his Gospel (Matthew 16:18-19). But just because it’s a common thing doesn’t mean that everything’s all fine and dandy about doubting God’s power or character. I have to be honest with you:

I think a fear of asking God for miracles indicates some deep spiritual illness.

By this I don’t mean that something’s inherently “wrong with you”, but rather something needs curing in how you relate with God. Let me explain why I say this. First, fear (not the biblical “fear of the Lord” kind…but the kind you actually didn’t need a pastor to explain to you in order to know what it meant) never comes from God. More specifically, I think if you investigate where your fears about “asking big” originated, you might realize that they weren’t the result of maturity.

And I don’t think you were born with them, either.

If you were like most little kids I know, you began asking your parents for some pretty outrageous things the second you learned how to communicate. Things you wanted badly, no matter how unrealistic they were. A pony for Christmas, every video game at Best Buy, your own personal amusement park…nothing was off-limits.

But you soon stopped, and I wish it were only because you learned about what was doable for them and what wasn’t. Because if feasibility were the only reason you stopped asking, then you’d stop asking for the amusement park, but you’d still ask for the biggest thing you thought your parents might be able to do. But if you’re like me and most people I know, you even stopped asking for things you knew were possible because the ways in which you were told “no” communicated something more than the word itself. What you actually heard was “Your desires are a burden to me”, “You’re not worth my effort”, and “I don’t care about you.”

And those words destroy a person’s confidence like few things on this earth.

And after you hear these enough times, and they’re confirmed by those people’s other actions and attitudes toward you, asking in general becomes incredibly vulnerable, even unsafe. Every ask on someone’s time, effort, or (God forbid) finances then produces every kind of anxiety because you’ve learned what “no” really means. And so you start hedging everything you ask for in a layer of “I don’t want to be a burden, but I was just wondering…” or maybe you just subtly or provocatively state your wants or needs to someone else (perhaps threatening a negative outcome if this need is not met), and just hope they’ll offer to help you with that. That’s called manipulation. And you do it because you’re terrified. Or, in the saddest case, maybe you’ve just stopped wanting others’ help all together.

And we carry this enormous baggage into our relationship with God, often steeping it in piety to justify or console ourselves. I think I can sincerely desire and pray for God’s will to be done, but just as often, I’ve prayed a tame prayer of “Lord, may your will be done in my relationship with _____” when my soul was actually crying out “God, I am absolutely head over heels for this girl, will you please give her feelings for me?!” Or maybe you pray “Lord, lead me toward which job opportunity you think best” when deep down you’re saying “God, I really want this job; it’s the total package for me, and would be like an absolute dream come true! Can I please have it?!” I think crying out to God in this humble, simple way is part of what Jesus had in mind when He told us to become like little children in order to enter the Kingdom of God (Matthew 18:1-4).

But I’ve hidden my heart’s true desires behind religious jargon, because on some level, I’m afraid His “no” will shame me in all the ways that everyone else’s has. I’m afraid his “no” means that my request was stupid and unspiritual, and that He’s going to rub it in my face. Maybe your specific fear is different, but most people I know feel shame for their heart’s desires. But now that I’ve actually begun asking, I’m learning that He never shames me. Because He will say “no”. He loves us way too much to be our genie and His sheer greatness excludes him from ever being our “yes-man”. And often, our requests are simply outside of His will, but guess what?

He’s not threatened by that.

He already knows the desires of your heart, and He wants an intimate relationship with you, so just unleash yourself (Lamentations 2:19). Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity of an intimate moment with God by replacing your heart’s cry with false piety. King David, a man after God’s own heart, certainly didn’t. Read one of his psalms:

Psalm 142

¹ I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.

² I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.

³ When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.

⁴ Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

⁵ I cry to you, LORD;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”

⁶ Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

⁷ Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

Do your prayers of petition sound like this one? It’s pretty incredible that David feels the freedom to bring such unbridled honesty before God. And I think verse 3 gives a clue as to how he’s secure enough to do that. He knows that God cares for him. This affirmation gives me confidence to pour out my needs and requests before Him, because He knows my every need perfectly. And if what I’m asking for isn’t best for me, He’s not so cruel to say “Well, you asked for it! Enjoy your miserable life now!” nor is he so irritable to say “How dare you come before me with such a fleshly request?” Instead, I think He responds with something that sounds much more like, “I love it when you ask me for things you want. I really long to give you the best things, and this just isn’t one of them right now. This is going to hurt, but no, you can’t have that thing, but be patient; I’m doing this because I love you and want to bless you in ways beyond what you’re able to ask or conceive of” (Ephesians 3:20-21).

So now, knowing that God never is never irritated by me, that He always prioritizes me, and that I couldn’t burden Him even if I tried, I’m given great confidence to approach Him with every kind of insane request (Ephesians 3:12, Hebrews 4:16, 1 John 5:14). He’s even big enough to give me the amusement park. And, being grounded in his goodness, I can rejoice in his “no” response every bit as I rejoice in his “yes”, knowing that all of it is for my good and that every response is accompanied by “I love you”. He only asks that I never withhold the truest desires of my heart from Him.

So I say go for it:

Ask big.

Ask honest.

Ask specific.

What are you afraid of?

Related posts:

1. Security With God: Poetry and Dancing