I almost thought of calling this post “What I’m Learning” but I decided it was far too broad, and doesn’t actually tell you anything about this post. But this will, in fact, be all about what I’m learning. This whole post is about a process God has been taking me through that started around New Years and is continuing to this very moment (and probably will continue the rest of my life). The two main instigators in this process have been Dr. Tammy Smith and Antioch Community Church in Wheaton. Because of the way these believers have taught and interacted with me, I’ve become acquainted with some major deficiencies in my understanding of God and my relationship with Him.
The beginnings of my revelation can be summed up something like this:
I read the Bible with a kind of “Amen!…yadda yadda…” rhythm.
What I mean is this: when I read a passage of Scripture, though I’m not quite consciously aware of it in the moment, my heart is saying: “Amen!!…yadda yadda…..Yes Lord!!….blah blah…” Although I agree with all of the Bible, though I can teach and communicate and assent to all of it, it does not all equally resonate in my heart. Some of it, I have experienced profoundly, and I can passionately preach its truth on the foundation of my personal interaction with that truth and the extraordinary life and freedom it’s given me. However, there’s a sizable chunk of Scripture that I will read, and it will fit my Christian worldview in an intellectual kind of way, but I will have no desire to announce its beauty and power to anyone else. And for a guy who God made to be a preacher, that’s the same as saying I don’t really get it at all.
At GCMC’s Ignite Conference over Christmas break, Tammy Smith gave a talk called “Honest Freedom: Living Christ’s Amazing Victory in the Face of our Issues, Patterns, and Past” and it was pretty revolutionary for me. (Seriously, click that link and download it right now or stream it at the bottom of this post. I guarantee it’ll be 80 of some of the best minutes you invested this week). Tammy must have quoted over 50 passages of Scripture in that talk, and as she did so, I could not help but be struck with the thought, “This woman is preaching God’s word like crazy, but I’m not having my usual ‘Amen Lord!’ experiences.”
Generally, when someone preaches on a topic that I really resonate with, I will play out in my mind how I would teach the topic in light of the beautiful and specific ways God has brought the Scripture to light in my life. But I was utterly dumbfounded when, as I listened to Tammy give all kinds of verses about our identity in Christ and the power of His Spirit, I had no such moments.
Zero.
And for me, that’s a HUGE red flag. I mean, I “believed” all of these verses; I might even refer a struggling brother to some of them on occasion, but I could definitely not preach them with great passion and conviction while keeping my integrity in tact. It seems I simply haven’t internalized most of the Scripture regarding my identity in Christ and the power His Spirit bestows upon me.
Similar things happened to me as I began to interact with the saints at Antioch Community Church. I was first drawn to them because of their great passion to sit down with me and hear my story as I raise financial support in the Chicago suburbs. But pretty soon, I realized that, even in my brief meetings with these men and women, they would pray for things I would never even think to pray for. I understood that scripturally, we as believers have every reason to believe God for a direct word from His Spirit, physical healing, personal revival, and citywide transformation, but that wasn’t exactly my everyday Christian experience. But these guys prayed like they actually believed God was going to these things in me and through me. And that (along with some of the astonishing prophetic words they’ve offered me) has been profoundly challenging to me.
What I began to realize is that the way that these people were living and demonstrating their faith really began to shed some light on a whole lot of my “yadda yadda” verses. Slowly but surely, because of the demonstration of the Holy Spirit in their lives, I was beginning to internalize some of these Scriptures regarding my identity and the power of God. And I even began experiencing them.
I wonder on some level if maturity in Christ means nothing more than knowing God at such a level where we’re able to receive all of God’s word in an emphatic “Amen!” kind of manner, meaning we’ve actually had deep personal encounters with all aspects of His character; we’ve personally lived out every truth of the Bible. Maybe by that definition, nobody is actually mature, but I’m OK with that. At least that’s something I can be excited to press on toward.
In light of that, I’m strongly considering embarking on a new venture of going through the entire New Testament and creating a running list of all the verses that I’m not all too crazy about or don’t totally resound in my heart, and then praying over them and asking that God would give me experiences that would beyond-validate these truths in my heart. Will you join me in this?
I’ve had different personal revolutions throughout my spiritual life where he’s taught me in striking ways about different aspects of the Christian life. I think January and February have been the kick-start to a profound Identity and Power Revolution in my life.
Let me highlight some aspects of this in terms of my “Amen!” versus “blah blah” verses so you can get a better idea of what I mean here. For quite some time, I’ve felt like I could passionately preach on passages like Romans 8:29, 2 Corinthians 3:18 and Philippians 1:6 that talk about how we’re a work in progress, and that God is always growing us. I’ve been undergoing this process for 9 years now, and God has totally been faithful to remove and replace some junk in my life that I thought was pretty impossible to get past. Thus, I could get pretty fired up about those verses.
But at the same time, I think I’ve considered myself a victim to my place in the sanctification/maturity process. What I mean is that, when faced with a circumstance that seems to demand more wisdom or godliness than I feel I possess, I tend to roll over in defeat, with my excuse being like, “I’m just not capable of something like that at this point in my life.” Maybe it’s forgiving someone who’s wounded me in some major ways, maybe it’s stepping outside my comfort zone and speaking God’s truth with someone who terrifies me, maybe it’s showing love to someone who hates me, maybe it’s giving someone wise advice or a poignant spiritual truth from God for a difficult situation in their life.
Whatever it is, I often think, “I realize that there is a really godly response to this (often I have a pretty good idea of what is), but I’m just not there yet spiritually. I’m going to go ahead and just accept God’s grace for my spiritual condition right now. Mmmm…look at me…walking in grace, baby!…so serene…so peaceful…so…(dare I say, fearfully complacent?)” And that way, I never have to do hard things God wants for me, but I can make it look really spiritual by calling it “walking in grace.”
Real clever, Mikey.
The tricky part is, that thought process has some appearance of truth. We’re not condemned for our spiritual weakness, God loves us just where we’re at, and he won’t give us more than what we can handle. While all those are true, I think Satan was trying to twist them in order to incapacitate me from doing the good God desired for me. Specifically, that process ignores some of my “blah blah” scriptures that speak directly to the issue: Ephesians 1:18-20, 2 Peter 1:3-4, John 14:12-14, Romans 15:18-19, 2 Timothy 1:7, James 5:14-18. I dare you to ingest those verses and ask God for faith to believe them. Nothing will more quickly get you out of your victim mentality.
I’m just beginning to understand the insane power I’ve been endowed with because the very Spirit of God lives inside of me. While my flesh may not be even close to the place where it has the strength for a specific good work or the wisdom for a particular insight, there is absolutely nothing that is currently beyond my capability as a believer. And that’s not because I’m more spiritual or mature than the next guy. That’s simply because the Holy Spirit lives inside of me, and that through faith, I can access his power at any moment of the day. That is soooo incredibly insane. And, if I can be so bold, I think only a handful of Christians live like this is true. I’m so thankful to have recently met some of them.
Here you can listen to the audio of that Tammy Smith talk that set this whole process in motion for me (with Word document outline below):
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I think a red flag is in order, but not a HUGE one. Maybe an orange one. Part of what we experience through recognizing our yada yada, blah blahs is the power of a body of very different believers with different gifts unified by a very unifying Spirit. Sure there are central doctrines that everyone should be amen-Lording to, but if we all were preaching the same sub-messages we’d all be you or me or Tammy or whomever, with the result of a very bland, very weak body of believers stuck in spiritual groupthink.
What you can take joy in is that God has revealed to you the strengths and wisdom He has given other people and that you can learn from them. You don’t have to “steal” or adopt their messages unless doing that is what God has placed on your heart. But by your recognition that you were blah-blahing, you can be disciplined and deliberate about tuning your ear and heart to their messages so that those messages about which you are most passionate will be shaped and refined by even more of God’s truth.
Your messages and ideas may not have been “wrong” or even incomplete. Perhaps they were just not as good as they could be when you’ve been edified by the body of believers.
How’s that for offering unsolicited advice based on a small chunk of your entry?!
Awesome thoughts, Bjorn! I totally agree with you, brother! I think God simply saw something that was a bit lacking in my life, and decided He wanted to introduce me to some great people who could help me with that. But if He wanted me to be them, then He wouldn’t have created me and given me the story and context He’s given me. He wants me to be me.
From C.S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory”:
“If our religion is something objective, then we must never avert our eyes from those elements in it which seem puzzling or repellent; for it will be precisely the puzzling or the repellent which conceals that which we do not yet know and need to know.”
Love me some C.S. Lewis.
I love how there’s an apt C.S. Lewis quote for pretty much every circumstance of life. I’m obviously just learning the extent to which that quote is true.