A lot of students in our church struggle with sexual addiction. As I’ve come to learn more about the dynamics of a sexual addiction, I’ve become increasingly convinced that grace (undeserved favor resulting in a total release from guilt), rather than a white-knuckle effort to alter behavior, is the only solution (see Colossians 2:20-23). Experts on the subject have identified a cycle of sexual addiction, and modern theory (as well as the Bible, if you ask me…see above verses and Galatians 5:16) holds that the most effective way to break the cycle is to actually experience freedom from the shame rather than trying to refrain from “acting out”.
It seems counterintuitive, but the experience of grace in place of the “Shame” stage actually bears fruit in preventing future fantasy because the addict is not driven to fantasize in order to escape his painful shame-ridden state. However, the addict who tries to simply prevent herself from acting out often treats the symptom, but ignores the underlying sickness, much like the athlete who finishes the season hopped up on painkillers instead of getting the knee surgery. In this case, the individual is prone to an even greater future crash because the outside has been swept clean and appears to be in order, but the inside has not received any treatment or been filled with an alternative to meet the underlying need (Luke 11:21-26).
So what does this have to do with Hugh Hefner? A couple nights ago, a pastor from one of our sister churches came to Leadership Training to speak on sexual purity. He said many things throughout the night, but I could not shake the gravity of something he shared: a glimpse into the life story of Hugh Hefner. It never occurred to me to think on the story before, but it’s one certainly worth investingating. I mean, how exactly does an 83 year-old man acquire 19 year-old twin centerfold girlfriends and live in a mansion full of women belonging to this same demographic? And how did America get to the point where the porn industry brings in more revenue than ABC, CBS, and NBC combined, and claims 12% of the internet’s websites, 25% of the search engine requests, and 35% of all downloads? And there’s simply no denying the role of Playboy magazine as the most influential player in American pornography and the catalyst for our current state of affairs. So how did it all get started?
In 2006, E! True Hollywood Story did a story on “Hef”, where a fascinating detail about his early life was revealed. In 1949, just before Hefner was to be married to his first wife, Mildred Williams, she revealed to him that while he was serving in World War II with the U.S. Army, she had had an affair. Hef recalled this event as “the most devastating moment of my life”. As a consolation, Williams offered him the right to sleep with other women at his choosing, in a desperate attempt to release herself from the guilt of her affair and preserve their marriage. Four years later, Hefner went on to found Playboy Magazine, and 6 years after that, they divorced.
The perfect irony of the whole event was apparent to me upon hearing the story. A woman commits a soul-crushing sin, and because she has no conception or experience of grace in the moment, she invites a victim of her sin to perpetuate the cyle of guilt himself in a desperate attempt to free herself from its grip. Unsurprisingly, the plot fails miserably, because what she actully needed was grace, not payback. And the very nature of grace is that it is the mortal enemy of retribution and reciprocity; it is not paid back. It takes what we do not have, and with it, purchases what we do not deserve. But out of one woman’s ungrace and the invitation she extended to a man to enter into her misery, a publication was born that would eventually throw an entire nation, then an entire world into its bitter cycle.
I’m not sure about you, but that story just punches me in the gut. I’m constantly in awe of the of sobering truth of Galatians 6:8, and this story painted a perfect picture for me. The consequences of even a single life without grace can cripple millions. However, we who believe know that the opposite is quite true also. One life full of grace and truth was enough to heal the nations and reconcile them forever to their God.
Amen, my brother.